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Blue 258

Blue 258




Oh, bring your salt, bring your cigarette
Draw me a circle and I'll protect
Heaven is here if you want it

Oh, bring your boy, bring your bottle
Open your mouth, pour it down his neck
Heaven is here if you want it
And all of the fish, let them flounder
I went to the water, drank every drop
I'll turn your sea to a desert
More catholic taste than the Devil
All gilded and golden, yes, I'm your girl
Hell, if it glitters, I'm going
And I ride in my red dress
And time stretchеs endless
With my gun in my hand

You know I always get my man
And еvery song I wrote became an escape rope
Tied around my neck to pull me up to Heaven

Do que fica no silêncio


Porque há alturas em que não se querem palavras. Porque há alturas em que no silêncio de um abraço se diz tudo. Há alturas em que o que importa mesmo é aquele aconchego nos braços dele. Em sentir-lhe o cheiro da pele, o calor do corpo. Há alturas em que não se querem palavras mas se procura a boca. Há alturas em que o que só  importa é aquele beijo. Aqueles lábios. Os meus lábios nos lábios dele. A saliva que me marca a pele.

Há alturas em que só importam as mãos dele no meu corpo. Mãos que falam. Mãos que me dizem tudo. E eu quero que me digam tudo o que fica por dizer. E há momentos em que não são precisas palavras. Olhos nos olhos, boca na boca, o teu corpo que se afunda no meu. Porque há alturas em que é tempo de falar o que as palavras não escrevem. 

A house


He came into my life and he made himself the floor I could stand on. Rest. I'm here for you. He came into my life and he built the walls around me to shelter me from all the bad. He came into my life and he built the roof above me. You will never be cold again. Night can come but you will be sheltered from the cold and the darkness the night brings.  Sleep well, I love you.

And each day I would walk through the door he built. You are safe. You are safe with me. And each day and as you walk through that door you can remove your armor as it's so heavy. You can remove your shield as I am here to protect you. You can lay down your weapons as I will fight for you. I am here for you.

And so I did. Slowly, day by day I removed a piece of my armor and let go of all the weigth I was carrying. Day by day I felt safer and lighter inside the house he built for me. And I got used to wearing no armor around him. And these were my days. And this was my life. I will always be here for you.

And he was the house I lived in. And he was the beach I could see from the window. And he was the starry sky painted  above the sea. 

And here we are


All that love, all that care, all that wonder about the fresh water stream and he removed himself from my life. He chose to remove himself from my life. And he keeps himself removed from my life. And though he has his reasons, I have mine. And though he has his thoughts I have mine. And he has his hurt. I have my hurt. And I find it unforgivable. And I find it even more unforgivable because it's him. 

He came into my life and he filled it with light. Not that he found me in the darkness, but he made his way through my darkness. He wanted to see it, he wanted to know it, he wanted to know everything about me. Good and bad. Cause that was all me. And I showed him some of my darkness with ease. And I saw he was not scared of  it as he didn't even flinch. And then it came naturally as if I knew nothing scared him, as if he was here for all of it, as if I believed it was true when he said he would always be here. "I will always be here for you", and he lied.

He came into my life and filled it peace when I didn't even know how I could hold so much more peace. He came into my life and gave it a new breath of fresh air when I didn't even realise I could breathe so much better. And then he left. He made me better and then took it all away. And he doesn't even realise he  made me better not because I was his whole world but because I had him in my life. And he doesn't even realise how he had become my world.

But here we are. He said I was his whole world but he took that world from me.





Disappoint me. People I've known for a couple of years, people I've given my friendship to. When you dedicate your time, your care, you're giving so much of you. Because you give. Intended or not intended, you give. There had been little things coming up to me as red flags but I  kept disregarding them, overlooking because people are the way they are the same way you are the way you are. But there is a line people cross and if it was the other way around they wouldn't like their line being invaded. And you should push them back, let them know they're crossing the line. But people disappoint me. And when people disappoint me I can never see them with the same eyes again. Cause  people insist in disappointing you. 


And in the end


All that love and I wasn't worth fighting for. All that love and I wasn't worth a single word. And I knew, I knew how it is, how this works, how it always ends. They come and say it is enough - I know it will not be enough, I know it will not work out, I warn them but still they insist, they dazzle, they win you over and then what happens? It is not enough. You said it, you've warned them but here we are.

You were clear and upfront with what you had to give, with what you could give but here we are. It is not enough. What you had to give is not enough. But they end up making you feel that you are not enough. And the promises. Oh the promises, fuck how I hate promises. And he knew how much I hated promises.

And in the end he says goodbye as if saying goodbye to someone you've just met. Where has all that love gone? I can't stop myself thinking. So no, no, in the end it's not worth it.