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Blue 258

Blue 258

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20
Jul10

Sento-me à mesa da cozinha. Fumo mais um cigarro. Escrevo sentimentos manuscritos. Sinto que cresci. Terminei um livro, sem terminar um capítulo da minha vida - ou terá terminado um, mais breve, com poucas páginas (as que lhe demos), mas mais intenso que um livro completo, com princípio, meio e fim.

Sinto-me mais madura. O que se terá passado esta noite em mim? Nada que eu tenha percebido. Nada de que eu me tenha apercebido. Talvez sentido. E será talvez com a vinda da manhã que eu o possa perceber mais claramente. Ou não.

 

Silleda, 12 de Julho

 

 

Big Me to talk about it
I stand the groove
If we can get around it
I'll know that it's true

Well I talked about it, carries on
Never was it true

But it's you I fell in to

 

...

20
Jul10

Sento-me à janela do terceiro andar. Fumo um cigarro. Penso em...

Oiço Foo Fighters, My Hero. E discorre o pensamento: só existe o herói quando está lá para nós. Ou quando esteve, naquele ínfimo momento perdido algures no tempo.

 

Não falo (ou não escrevo) rancorosa, não. Assertiva, talvez. Ou simplesmente decidida. Do que não tenho. Do que sei querer. Até um ponto. Porque sei, sempre soube, aliás, que era apenas até certo ponto. Sei perfeitamente que depois de ter o que queria, todo o interesse desvaneceria. Ou não?

 

Silleda, 12 de Julho

 

 

too alarming now to talk about
take your pictures down
and shake it out
truth or consequence, say it aloud
use that evidence race it around

 

 

E agora, deixo-vos com esta, para ouvir bem alto

14
Jul10

 

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and on to someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
No, I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

 



Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you'd die to heal
The hope that starts the broken hearts
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?



*I hope that someone is. Or else your just misusing yourself. Misusing life. Love and life. Life and love. In the end, it's all the same. Isn't it?

 

P.S. Ando pelo apartamento a berrar isto do fundo dos meus pulmões. E eu cá sei porquê. E nunca algo foi tão verdade. Até sexta!

 

 

Day #14 A song that I listen to when I'm angry

16
Mai10

Foo Fighters - The Pretender. Porque me diz tanto. Em uníssono com a revolta que surge quando me deparo com a mesquinhez das pessoas.

 

 

 

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?

In time or so I'm told
I'm just another soul for sale... oh, well
The page is out of print
We are not permanent
We're temporary, temporary
Same old story

 

E porque tem tudo a ver...

04
Out09

 

Eu. O karma. A roda do destino.

O Amor. A vida. O mundo. O universo.

 



I know what you're thinkin'
We were goin' down
I can feel the sinkin'
But then I came around


And everyone I've loved before
Flashed before my eyes
And nothin' mattered anymore
I looked into the sky

Well we all want something better than
We wish for something new
Well we all want something beautiful
Wish for something true
Been lookin' for a reason and
Something to lose


When the wheels come down
When the wheels touch ground
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down

(When the wheels come down)
...

 

 

P.S. Roubadinha à Maggie.

 

 

Stranger, things have happened

27
Set09

 

9 da noite. A conduzir. Sozinha. Noite quente. Vidros abertos.

Volume bem alto. Foo Fighters.

De regresso a casa. Sem vontade nenhuma de regressar.

Queria perder-me/encontrar-me por aí, sem destino, sem hora.

Sozinha. Como outrora.

As músicas, já minhas conhecidas sucedem-se umas às outras.

Desprendo a atenção do que me rodeia, e prendo-me na música.

Nesta música.

 

 

 

 

 

Que bom que foi sentir-me, nem que por uns momentos apenas, sozinha.

 

I'm trying to shake it off, ok?

17
Jul09

I'm having... a Cold Day In The Sun.

 

 

 

Took the high dive into your brain
And you made your only calls
You just might wear your welcome out if you don't let it go.

And there's nothing that you couldn't say
Cause you said it all before
Think it's time you walk this lonely road all on your own

It's your cold day in the sun
Looks like your bleeding heart
Has already won

Wish I could take it away
And save you from yourself
You get so lost inside your head like no one else

Looking for someone to blame
Blame me all along
You'll take the heat, but you would never take the fall

It's your cold day in the sun
Looks like your bleeding heart
Has already won

You're so afraid
That you are the only one
That you are the only one
You know

Don't be afraid
Cause your not the only one
You're not the only one
I know

It's your cold day in the sun
Looks like your bleeding heart
Has already won

It's your cold day in the sun
Looks like your bleeding heart
Has already won

Still

17
Jul09

O sentimento de ontem continua a dominar o dia.

Letargia. Era este o termo que procurava  para definir o meu estado. Letargia.

Hoje, há apenas um burburinho das obrigações e responsabilidades que me tumultua. Apenas isso. Se aparentemente me movo, é apenas isso, aparentemente. Por dentro, prolonga-se o sentimento de ontem: Still

 

 

 

If you'd like to walk a while
We could waste the day
Follow me into the trees
I will lead the way

Bring some change up to the bridge
Bring some alcohol
There we'll make a final wish
Just before the fall

Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
Nevermind whats done is done
Always was a lucky one

Watch the sunrise all alone
Sitting on the tracks
Hear the train come roaring in
Never coming back

Laying quiet in the grass
Everything is still
River stones and broken bones
Scattered on the hill

Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
Nevermind whats done is done
Always was a lucky one

Promise I will be forever yours
Promise not to say another word
Here forever deep beneath the dirt
Nevermind whats done is done
Always was a lucky one